wordpress tak boleh la...

Ok, i have finally moved from wordpress to blogspot.. why did i even choose wordpress in the first place? i dont really know but i think i just wanted to try sth different from others and maybe also because Shaza Amalina recommended it...haha...but now i know why the wordpress not popular liao. I spent 1hour plus trying to attach a tagboard to the blog on wordpress and only resulted in me finding out that wordpress cannot put tagboard! argh...anyhow, the 2 previous entries were written when my blog was called ihavenever. But that name has been taken in blogspot world so i have to change change name. hmm i prefer ihavenever actually...haha but nvm la, the new name also cool.

Today was quite a horrible day for me. Gloomy, blurry and cold...I felt lost the whole day la. seriously..everything was kinda going at ultra-sound speed while i was struggling to catch up. 1300: DSL carreer talk, 1430: project meeting with Prof Chew, 1 hr at comp lab, 1630: DG, 1800: Dinner, 2030: Korean lesson, 2300: home. yah, busy monday right? talk about monday blues...

And YES....my dear korean lessons khakis Huifang and weichen decided to jump at the FREE movie offer tonight and skip their korean lesson! leaving poor me going to korean class alone! Cant believe they actually pang-seh-ed me la... but coincidentally not many pple turned up for class today..maybe it's the cold weather.

Well, i have many things to do now so i better get down to it.

the "i have never" game (written on 10th march)

Just some random memory:

That day at Seo Hoon's bday party, the pfm 'gang' (valerie, cheryl, hf, wc, tsz ching & her bf and xqq) started playing a game called "I have never" after we cleared the table and were waiting for Seohoon to bring out her cake. Valerie initiated the game and explained the rules. They were simple: Everybody just take turns to say sth that he/she has never done before in her life and whoever has done what that person have never did, have to do a forfeit. So it's like a saboh game, in a sense..haha. It's normally played with alcohol as the forfeit but since seohoon didnt have drinks at her 21st bday, we were using xiaoqian's unfinished plate of cream pasta as the forfeit. (haha i dunno which is worse.. LOL) An addition rule was that whoever said sth that wasnt really true, he/she has to finish half the plate of pasta!

So the game started with Valerie.
"i have never scuba-dived before..." - few pple ate the yucky pasta. I was one of the few..

Cheryl: (haha i cant rmb...oops)

Huifang's turn: "i have never put on mascara before.." -most of the girls ate. (ok i cant remember whether it was mascara or eyeliner but samesame la.. haha)

Weichen: (ok this one was classic, real classic) "i have never written with my right hand before!" -thinking that she just made everyone ate a mouthful of pasta each, i asked wc "eh u REALLY never write with your right hand before meh? not even try and write see how it looks like?" wc paused and thought then started defending herself..but everyone else was already laughing, she have written with her right hand before, just bit ugly only...haha sorry wc! Good thing was she didnt had to finish half the plate of pasta...valerie the diva spared her..lol

Then it was my turn. Wanting to saboh all the girls, i said, "i have never wear pad before!" hahahahaha...immediately all the girls were grossed out. (me and tszching bf were laughing like mad) streams of protest started flying across the table..but haha rules were rules right? they all had to reach for the oh-so-delicious pasta of the day...

Then came tszching's bf turn. He said to me, "Joel, you inspired me." then proceeded to say he have never wear a panty or bra before! wahahhaha all the girls turned hysterical la!! admidst all the protests...the diva set out new rules and ban anything that was gender-bias..haha but soon after, seohoon brought out her cake and the game had to end prematurely..

All in all, Seohoon's birthday party was enjoyable. Games were fun, company was excellent but food was only passable..I wasnt feeling very well that day but i promised Seohoon to decorate her place and of course, i was kinda excited to exercise my creative juices! Banners, golden streamers, metallic-coloured balloons....everything was just put up impromptu, the making of a world-renowned designer eh? haha but seriously i'm glad Seohoon liked it. :)
(no pics to show though...for more graphical illustration go to http://jairebyc.blogspot.com/)

First post! (written on 9th march and moved from wordpress)

Well, i really never ever written a blog before. So this is my first time and hope it'll continue.
Hopefully, this blog will allow me to record my thoughts, about school work, about friends, about life, about God... Most importantly it will be a place for me to reflect, ponder and uncover. Reflect upon the things i have done, said and thought. Ponder about those stuff and ulitmately, uncover and learn something about myself.

Just recently, about 2 weeks ago, i wanted to give up. I wanted to give up chasing good grades, give up trying to be good in my projects, give up trying to be more confident during presentations, give up trying to be more patient, give up trying to read the Bible more regularly, give up being better. I was so tired. Tired of being unsatisfied with myself, tired of being told how to behave, what to do, what to say and what to think. i was tired of doing things to improve myself, to be that better person that everyone likes, to be someone that i can be proud of, that my parents can be proud of... i was tired of saying things to people that i dont mean, tired of placing people's expectation about me as top priority, tired of pretending that yes, doing all this will make me happier, accepted and belongED. i was tired of being tired. I felt suffocated and unhappy and dead.

So after dg one day, everyone left except me and David, my SM...He could tell that something was up and so he started the conversation by asking mundane things. Soon, i was tellling him my problem, my predictament. Funny enough, after he heard my story and all about wanting to give up, he just said, "then give up lah..give up!" I was shocked. I never knew it was that easy, that simple. All i had to do was just let go. to not care or bother or give a damn. i felt better just thinking about letting go. So i did it. The week that followed was recess week. And i did what i wanted to do for a very long time. I enjoyed life. David told me during the my sharing that i wasnt enjoying life, i wasnt enjoying the life that God gave me. A Christian life is not about being Godly and having all the Godly-traits. Having all the traits of a Godly person doesnt make you a good christian, a good follower of Christ. A good follower of Christ struggles with life not by his own might, not alone but by depending on God, on HIS strength and power. Even if life is caught up with manymany distractions, deadlines, unhappy relationships/friendships, stress....he will still hold on tightly to God's hands, to have faith that God's plans will work and will not be bothered by them but instead be able to enjoy life.

That recess week, i did the things i wanted to do. i did not do the things i didnt want to do. I did the things that made me happy and i avoided those that made me stressed and unhappy. I said the things that came to my mind first and i released all bottled feelings...It wasnt an uncontrolled freedom like wanna go take drugs and go Geylang type but it was more of a subtle-freedom. Those type of things that do already your mind feels released and not plain physical pleasure. That week was great and provided me with a good time of rest and recover.

2 weeks after recess week, i met up with Rudy, one of the staff from Crusade and subsequently told him what happened and was still happening. His response was that i was trying to break out from a structure, a shell of rules and dos and donts. I was forming my own rules coz i hated the ones that pple set for me. In his words, i was changing to become a man. Corny as it sounds, the process of "becoming a man" doesnt take place for many guys. most guys just live through life accepting what pple tell them to do and never ever question why. i wanted my own space, my own set of rules, i wanted to be a person that i like. So i accepted myself. I accepted myself as who i was and what i have. If i am too direct for other pple's comfort, so be it. If i am a boring person to talk to, so be it. If i am matrialistic, so be it. If that day i dowan to study, then dont study...I want to enjoy life and enjoy it to the fullest. I'm still struggling, still finding that set of rules i call my own. It might be tough, might be uncomfortable and I might lose focus...but im sure it'll all be worth it at the end of the day. Faith!